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BoFdate – 29th
February 2008
We’ve always had a kind of love-hate relationship with the
French. For example, we love going to France on holiday, but we hate the
fact it’s full of French people when we get there. Some would argue that the
relationship between Britain and France is like that of 2 brothers: they love each other but they don't admit it nor do
they show it. read more
BoFdate 25th February 2008
Despite living in the digital, info-fuelled age of gigabyted
web bollocks, country folk remain a curiosity to those of an urban bent. Stereotypes and myths predominate; The pitch
fork wielding yokel who locks an unfortunate traveller in the barn and then later
sits down for a cannibalistic afternoon tea wearing an unfortunate traveller
skin bib is one example with which I’m sure we’re all familiar. Well, some of us. Who’ve been skinned by a yokel. Others will just shudder slightly remembering
how they were once chased out of a field by a combination of tractor, shotgun
and rabid dog. Or the tense occasions
when they foolishly wandered into an isolated pub and asked for half a pint of
Fosters from a barman with one leg shorter than the other and an eye that
didn’t really work. read more
BoFdate – 22nd
February 2008
No M’lud, I didn’t kill her - I merely took the opportunity
to have sex with her blood soaked, still twitching corpse…No M’lud, I didn’t
kill them – I merely had sex with all of them immediately before and in the
order that they disappeared… read more
BoFdate 17th February 2008
Get out the orange tank tops, rev up the Ford Cortina and
laugh at a racist prime time sitcom on BBC1 – nationalisation is back and it
feels like 1976 all over again, hoorah! Chancellor
Alistair Darling has decided that instead of handing Northern Rock over to
Richard Branson, he’ll do a better job.
Which places him in the unenviable position of being both a politician
and a bank manger, and thus the most loathed person on the planet. read more
BoFDate – 14th
February 2008
Being responsible is defined as “being answerable or
accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management”. Synonyms include “liable, competent, solvent,
honest, capable, reliable and trustworthy”. Taking responsibility for one’s
actions used to be a given. Even when presented with a complete bastard you
could raise an iota of respect for him, so long as he acknowledges ownership
and blame for his bastardisation. Nowadays however, nothing is anybody’s fault.
It’s someone else’s fault. Antonyms for responsibility include “It’s not my
job” as well as “I’m too stupid to be released into polite society and
therefore, according to the ‘solicitor’ in the call-centre, I must sue someone”
and “I know it was my mistake but fuck you, and fuck him, and fuck everybody
else. Now I’m going to stab you.” read more
BoFdate 12th February 2008
“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners,
contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in
place of exercise. Children are now tyrants,” Socrates was supposed to have
said two and a half thousand years ago.
Which gives an irritatingly smug riposte for those who think our
recalcitrant and disaffected youth just need a bit more love and affection
rather than a cattle prod in the face.
However, Socrates didn’t say “I've been spat at, had stones thrown at
me, verbal abuse and once had a vodka bottle chucked at me”, as one Manchester fireman did
this week. Nor did he say I’ve been
punched and killed, like a chap in Bridgend. read more
BoFDate 11th
February 2008
Here at the BoF we like to shake things up a bit. We also
like to give the terminally bored a few ideas for maintaining sanity. So today
we take a break from dissecting the day’s news and recommend a pastime to, erm,
pass the time at work. Or indeed at home, if you really are that dull. Yes,
from the people who brought you ‘try doing a Google image search fro ‘flying
dogs’ (that’s still top advice by the way) we now recommend ‘tailoring the
lyrics of Village People songs to your chosen profession. Behold, In The Navy – for Librarians: read more
BoFdate 8th February 2008
‘I fought the law, and the law won’ riled The Clash in 1978.
Fingers crossed it wasn’t Sharia law
that the middle class anarcho-punks were defeated by, otherwise Joe Strummer
might have had his feet chopped off.
Sorry, sorry, off I go again promulgating naive, ill-informed opinions
about the Clash. Oh, and Sharia law as
well. Good job I’ve got Dr Rowan
Williams to put me straight on a few points.
About Sharia Law, but give him time and I’m sure he’ll come up with
something controversial about The Clash as well. read more
BoFdate 5th February 2008
Election fever is reaching erm... fever
pitch over in America as "Super Tuesday" arrives. A
longstanding American tradition, Super Tuesday is the day when presidential
hopefuls reveal what super powers they possess in order to wow the voters of California and other
less important states, like Montana. Many voters retain fond memories of Jimmy
Carter tying the gun of a tank into a bow, and Ronald Regan biting the wing off
an airborne MiG-29. This year Hillary
Clinton is preparing to launch husband Bill into space with one punch while
Democrat rival Barak Obama will use the power of his mind to make everyone in Arizona forget he's
black. Ex POW tough guy Republican John
McCain is banking on voters becoming confused and voting for the man who killed
Hans Gruber, Yippee-ki-yay! Mick
Huckabee is, of course, unleashing Chuck Norris. read more
BoFdate 4th February 2008
More and more people have simply had enough with Britain. With
streets ruled by Lambrini-soaked yobbos, the cost of living higher than Amy
Winehouse and the general public seemingly more abhorrent and unforgiving than
ever, the time has come to leave. And more people than ever are heading to the
other side of the world to start afresh in Australia. Owing to a ‘skills
shortage’, Brits are flocking over to Oz to plug the ability gaps in
highly-demanding professions such as hairdressers, dog-walkers and
leaf-blowers. Things had gotten so bad that up until the British stepped in
very recently, there were hardly any crappy cricketers down under at all… read more
BoFdate February 2nd 2008
God bless the Finns. As you (well, maybe that should be I) schlep
through the tedious and banal bog that is the modern workplace, reflexively
sneering at every new directive, policy and life draining initiative, it's nice
to have a sneer or two backed up by some actual research. Especially if that research comes from the
honest and trusted land of Sibelius, the traditional blood sausage
Mustamakkara, World's Strongest Man 2000 Janne Virtanen and erm... DJ Proteus. read more
BoFDate – 1st
February 2008
What’s the best idea you’ve ever had? We at the BoF were
inspired to create a cartoon strip, the premise for which was the crime
fighting escapades of a muscle-bound Bob Hoskins. It was to be called ‘Buffed
Bob Reclaims The Streets’. However, with that undoubted money-spinner still
firmly in pre-production, the people at Sky One have had an even better idea:
to bring back Gladiators! read more
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