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BoFdate 14th July 2008
Is it a bird? Is it a
plane? Is a condom crossed with a hair
net with one end chopped off? No. It’s Temenos.
Fear it. Despite sounding like a
minor adversary of Doctor Who, Temenos is the first of five massive sculptures
planed for North East England’s best loved beauty spots; Middlesbrough,
Stockton, Redcar, Hartlepool and Darlington.
Or the Teesside Rivera as they are better known. By an addled tramp eating pigeons on a park
bench in Hartlepool. But Temenos is set to challenge the drug
dependent, prostitute infested, nuclear infused, culturally and intellectually retarded
image of the North East. Indeed, once
the last of the ‘The Tees Valley Giants’ has been completed, the construction team
are rumoured to be turning their attention to Chernobyl,
or ‘the glowing heart of Russia’. read more
BoFdate 10th July 2008
Whinging: if there’s one thing we can’t stand at The BoF its
hearing morons whinging and whining on about shite that you know full well they
haven’t got the brass balls to oppose when it comes down to it. Whereas we like
to present an eloquent if occasionally ill-informed rant about the issues of
the day and what we’ll do about it come the great revolution [looks at sky
whilst tapping watch], there’s a world of difference between the prolonged
spouting of hilarious rage and the feeble whinnying of some two-dimensional
fanny. And with that said, let’s have a
look at a couple of choice whingings that have caught the eye over the past few
days… read more
BoFdate 6th July 2008
Summer can be a competitive time of year. With the tedium of lengthy league competition
out of the way it’s time for the one on one, knock out thrills to begin. Happily, England were not around to get the
nation fired up into a frenzy of mediocre underachievement at Euro 2008, thus
leaving space for tennis to rouse the armchair pundit / racist xenophobe into
bilge spouting action. read more
BoFdate 3rd July 2008
Hoho, poor Andy Murray. On Monday evening: British Tennis
Hero. By Thursday evening: Scottish loser. Having seemingly enjoyed the
traditional pre-match meal of ‘sporting crumble’, Murray emerged leaded-footed before being
handed his own arse in spectacular fashion. To be fair, no-one with even a
passing interest in furry yellow balls expected Murray to win. Nadal and Federer, like Geena
Davis and that shemale with the big shoulders, are in a league of their own.
They might as well break away from the ATP and, in conjunction with some
privately financed human cloning company, create some sort of…anyway, they’re
better than all the rest. read more
BoFdate 29th June 2008
The BoF has long wondered what it would take to bring about
a revolution in England. Not one of those storm the Palace and drown
the King in a barrel of his own urine types, though. More a revolution of thought and behaviour in
the mind of the population as they inch towards a retail park on a Saturday
afternoon. A collective awakening that
suddenly cries ‘what the feck am I doing?
I don’t need an Anthony Worrell Thompson deluxe egg whisk and stainless
steel spatula set’. A revolution that
decides to finally guillotine those with stupid hair, range rovers or people
who use the words equity, property and market in the same insufferably smug
sentence. read more
BoFdate 24th June 2008
Before we start today’s righteous ramblings, we at the BoF
must offer something of an apology to our loyal readers. BoF lovers everywhere
have no doubt been feeling a little short changed as of late, given the slowing
of the pace here at The Bat O’ Fury. All we can offer by way of an explanation
is to quote Plato and say that: “The winds of change are not those that can be easily
cured by Gaviscon. Indeed, if symptoms persist, consult your local leech monger” Normal,
regular ranting will hopefully continue from this point on – we thank you for
your patience. Those who have had their patience tested can go and take a
running jump. Whilst aflame. Into a vat of camel piss. read more
BoFdate 13th June 2008
Great moments of making a stand are in short supply these
days. Principle, honour, dignity – old
fashioned. You can’t open a branch of
Costa Coffee in a principle. Gone are
the days of bravely gunning down Zulus. Or opposing the brave gunning down of
Zulus. Perhaps it is our cynical, media
saturated age where every action and statement is deconstructed to death,
rendering any attempt at honourable action immediately suspect. Or alternatively is it the pretence of
principle enacted by people who proclaim “I only know what I believe” when what
they apparently believe is bollocks? read more
BoFdate 1st June 2008
Where do you draw the line on representations of public
nudity? The human body is a beautiful
thing says the naturist, ironically displaying a physique that resembles a
gelatinous boulder with a pair of gonads grafted on the underside rather than
Grecian sculpture. “Your nipples are an
abomination!” bellows the retired major to the breastfeeding woman, before
privately squeezing his geriatric thighs together at the thought of a rude
letter in the Mail on Sunday problem page. read more
Read more BoFage in the archives
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